The Return Home
I arrived into this world in 1967 in Kent, England. I was born a very sensitive child - there seemed to be no boundaries between me and other people’s emotions. I was exposed non-stop to the curious and turbulent world of the energies of those around me. It was often disorienting, and always fascinating, but it would take until adulthood to understand that being so sensitive and empathic to others emotions is not most people’s experience with the world.
But an extraordinary gift of empathy didn’t always feel like a gift.
My childhood was mostly devoid of the emotional support I needed, and so my little world felt lonely, overwhelming, and full of anxiety. Low self-esteem compounded it all, and I was left with a persistent sense of dread and fear that I couldn’t explain, couldn’t escape. I was given the ability to hear and speak the language of emotions, but I was a long way from feeling at peace with my own. My heart always felt like it was beating on the outside. Vulnerable to every passing breeze.
My sensitivity also gave me eyes that see so much, and that seeing was the beginning of my education with emotions. Even when I felt lonely, my curiosity and imagination thirsted to know the answers to why people were the way they were, and the people around me were a constant source of insight. I observed people. I listened. An organic understanding of the human psyche was effortlessly birthed inside me.
Everything came crashing down when my Dad died suddenly of a heart attack. I was 18 years old.
My world was shaken to the core. What did it all mean? Why are we here? What does it take to be happy? My grief pushed me forward, to keep on learning, to find some answers and a way to serve myself and others for all the time we’re here. It was to be many, many years later that I was to be blessed to find the answers to my search for peace. As if lead by Grace, I was mysteriously directed to the lineage of spiritual teachings of Ramana Maharishi, and H.W.L.Poonja also known as Papaji through the work of one of Papaji's students Brandon Bays, who created a powerful system of healing called The Journey. My experiences of this powerful holistic method of self inquiry and holistic healing were to bring together, and make sense of, all the crucial element of my life experience up to that point and now informs my current practice.
I also follow the teachings of Gangaji and Eli Jaxon Bear also fervent passionate students of Papaji and who embody Ramana's teachings.....be still and find out who you really are!
But prior to finding my teachers and lineage I trained as a teacher, and specialized to work with kids with extreme behavioral difficulties. Those brave young warriors taught me the link between unconditional love and healing. They taught me about respect, compassion and the power of a fighting spirit. Later, studying homeopathy taught me the link between the physical, emotional and spiritual realms of healing. My Inca Shamanic training showed me my connection to an ancient lineage, which would inspire me to pursue training in Family Constellation work - another incredible tool for healing.
Then, just before emigrating from the UK to Canada in 2001, I attended an intensive in Journeywork, and felt a strong calling to step up to all that I could be. The biggest piece of my learning was yet to fall into place.
No matter how much I learned, until my lack of self-love was healed, until I could embrace myself with forgiveness and compassion, I knew I could never be the healer this life called to me to be.
Practitioner training in Journeywork became the climax of my decades-long search. I would have to let go of my identity - which had always been a person unworthy, unlovable, destined to suffer, separated from the source. Who else could I be? I wanted this change so much, but my fear was almost as strong. Held by skilled practitioners in the light of love, I found the courage to surrender. One deep realization after another, a true experience of Grace, flooded my being, and I watched as so many false beliefs from childhood let go of me, effortlessly, one after the other as I shook out a lifetime's worth of trauma from my body. Since that day, I know that love never leaves me. It can’t. We are one and the same. We are love.
Even on days that feel cloudy and miserable inside, I know that this truth blazes like the sun, and is just obscured by the clouds of doubt and fear and other contractive emotions. As I surrender to whats here, and remind myself not to put any stock into strong emotions, into my thoughts and story, into anything that comes and goes I find myself redirected back to this deep truth, and peace and freedom and Grace find me. The sun comes out again.
Even when we need it, even when it’s just within reach, we pull back from change, because we think it’s safer to stay the same. But there was a part of me that knew it just wasn’t true. I knew deep within there was a better horizon.
Since those days, everything has made sense. Looking back, it now seems like I was running from a paper tiger - there was nothing to fear at all! Life, in all its ups and downs and complexities, keeps on happening for me as it does all of us. It’s how we react and flow with what life throws at us that has the potential to change so completely. The power of peace, to be strong, to be soft, all comes from touching a center that knows we are always loved.
My mission is to help you find your true identity beyond the ego and suffering, to connect to this that never comes and goes but is always present when we can be still enough to feel it..... Grace. To come home to the truth of who you are: unconditional love. It’s a truth so total and transformative, it’s hard to fully describe until you have experienced it.
It is my absolute pleasure to welcome you in compassion and help you find the truth of your own heart and healing.