As I near the completion of my website I am reflecting on what an incredible process it has been. I feel like I’ve been on a journey of profound inner growth and purification. From the point of first putting pen to paper it has been about 9 months, and by the time you read this Munay Holistic my new baby will have been born. And alongside it, I too feel like I have been rebirthed! I most definitely am not the same person who first sat with a blank sheet of paper last May feeling totally overwhelmed thinking “where do I start…what do I write”!! For anyone reading this who is at the beginning of a new project and who is wobbling and doubting themselves as I was I want to urge you not to give up, to persevere….the rewards of pushing beyond all your blocks and fears will be beyond your wildest dreams.
“Argue for your limitations” is a mantra I’ve lived by ever since reading Illusions by Richard Bach and it’s never failed me. Sometimes we need to push ourselves out of our old comfort zones in order to grow. Sometimes we knowingly and voluntarily agree to this growth, at other times life throws us a curve ball and we have no choice about it. Either way it always makes the journey so much smoother if we can let go of the fight, the resistance. We can try and fight with reality but the truth of the matter is we will always lose and like quicksand fighting tends to only dig us in deeper. If we can just surrender….fall into whatever is here, whether it be fear or lack of self confidence and welcome it then it will pass…..its when we resist a feeling or emotion that it sticks around.
I became fascinated as I observed my process of writing…one day I’d feel really upbeat, excited, inspired and confident….everything flowed on these days and I made huge progress….only for it to be followed right after by a terrible day! I’d crash….I’d swing to the polar opposite….everything I wrote was a pile of crap, I’d start saying things to myself such as “you can’t do this, your useless, give up now” All my demons came up to meet me, one by one! If I’d have listened to them I’d have scrapped the whole project, making some excuse to myself about why websites are a waste of time and how I didn’t need one. But thankfully my inner witness had kicked in sufficiently for a part of me to sit back and watch the proceedings. And it was quite the comedy! Eventually I got good at recognizing the inner critic on bad days and just welcoming her….letting her be there and reassuring myself “this is just how I feel today, and this too will pass…tomorrow I’ll feel more positive and confident again even if I don’t believe that is possible right now, and in the meantime it’s okay to huff and puff and get nothing done”.
And now looking back I see there was so much being done especially on those days I huffed and puffed……shadow was slowly and gently being brought into the light and as a result I think I am much more integrated, I am much gentler on myself…I think that ferocious terrier that sat on my right shoulder snapping and yapping at me all day long has maybe mellowed….maybe it’s more like a happy go lucky golden retriever these days who just wants to go play! Woof Woof!
I think I’m going to enjoy playing with this blog thing after all!!!!!! (Maybe you’ll want to come play with me too? It could be a whole lot of fun!)