Space Clearing

Using a blend of skills gathered from lots of modalities and different trainings Liza can clear out unwanted stuck energies in your home.

This work is surprisingly powerful in stimulating change and bringing in new energy to your life where you were previously experiencing blocks and limitations. Liza can assess the nature of the imbalance that is happening in your living space, taking into consideration you yourself as a major factor. After all, our homes are so often a reflection of ourselves; they symbolize us, and can reveal a lot about what is keeping us stuck in life, whether it be literally all the clutter we have hoarded for years and years which is draining our energy and keeping us stuck in the past, or how the layout of our home may be affecting us.

Liza has taken extensive training with Eric Dowsett (Clear Home Clear Heart  www.ericdowsett.com) on clearing negative unwanted energies from spaces and people, as well as learning traditional space clearing techniques from Bali with Karen Kingston (author of Creating Sacred Space with Feng Shui) and studied the use of flower essences in creating sacred space and energetic shifts.

These techniques can be especially useful if you are wanting a major change in your life but just don’t seem to be able to manifest it no matter what you do. It can be especially powerful around house selling. Read Liza's article with advice and tips on what you can do to help sell your house fast and effortlessly the same way she did. You will be amazed to read how rapidly things can shift when the energetics are understood and all blocks are removed from creating the reality you want. Liza will also show you how to use law of attraction secrets to pave the way to selling and buying effortlessly. It can even be so much fun!

Holistic Approach to Mental Illness

I'm inspired by the work of www.ShinahHouse.org, a charity that provides housing and support for suffers of mental illness using a holistic approach to achieving wellness.

or anyone suffering from depression, bi polar and other mental health problems I highly recommend checking out Truehope Nutritional Support Ltd. It is a non-profit company dedicated to promoting mental wellness through non-invasive, nutritional means. www.truehope.com

You can check out a TEDx talk about the impact of nutrition on mental health here: Julia Rucklidge TEDx

Canmore Wellness Centre is dedicated to promoting health, wellness and healing by supporting and stimulating the body's innate ability to regulate and heal itself. www.canmorewellnesscentre.com

Teachers and Mentors

Inspiration has come from many sources for me. Here are some of my most important teachers.

    • Brandon Bays, The Journey

      I highly recommend reading ‘The Journey’, ‘Freedom Is’ and ‘Consciousness the New Currency’

    • Gangaji

      An inspiring teacher of enlightenment for me who’s work I love.

    • Emotional Freedom Technique - Gary Craig

    • Andreas Moritz

      I highly recommend his books ‘The Amazing Liver & Gallbladder Flush’, ‘Timeless Secrets of Health and Rejuvenation’, ‘Simple Steps to Total Health’

    • Byron Katie

      Her books are highly worth reading ‘Loving What Is’, ‘A Thousand Names for Joy’, ‘I Need Your Love – Is That True?’

    • Alberto Villoldo

      I recommend his books ‘Shaman Healer & Sage’, ‘Island of the Sun’ & ‘Dance of The Four winds; Secrets of the Medicine Wheel’

    • Gill Edwards

      Gill was one of my first teachers on my path and I highly recommend her books ‘Living Magically’, ‘Pure Bliss’, ‘Stepping into the Magic’, ‘Wild Love’. I attended many of Gill’s wonderful workshops when I lived in the UK and I love her energy.

    • Cecilia Montero

      I love her book ‘Voice of the Ancestors – The Call of The soul’. I had the pleasure of meeting Cecilia in the summer of 2007 when she visited Golden to do an Inca Ceremony for Mother Earth. I am so grateful for all I have learnt from her.

    • Ian Watson

      Ian is the founder of, and was the Director of Lakeland College of Homeopathy whilst I studied there. He continues to be a source of inspiration for me.

    • Paul Francis

      Paul Francis has his own college and teaches homeopathy along with shamanic studies. I saw him for homeopathic treatment for a number of years while living in the UK and his compassion is second to none.

Rave reviews for The Art of T

I can't wait to repeat this ten week course (The Art of Transformation) and am currently working on making it an online course anyone anywhere anytime can dive into! The maiden journey with 7 beautiful courageous women went down like hot cakes....... Here's what they had to say about it!

Brenda Managh....."I was soon to realize that my lack of confidence (which made me hesitate to join) was so much a part of deep DNA memories that needed exploration, needed 'directed" positive energy which is what this course offered ~ a mentorship so full of compassion and love. Words cannot describe this experience. Liza brings her knowledge, passion and joy of sharing, guiding and group leadership in a way that truly honors each unique individual. I would ABSOLUTELY recommend this program!."

Leslie Parent....."My prayer of intention has been manifested on so many levels. I start out my day with gratitude. My unmothered child as been recognised and embraced and changes have manifested so i can work at nurturing her. I have made a connection with my Mother's unconditional love. I am beginning to trust and believe in people."

Cat Gibbs....."For anyone who is ready to open to something a little bit different in their healing process, a bit of mystery perhaps I would definitely recommend this course.....there is definitely something magical about healing in a group. Liza has a quiet strength and wisdom wth an incredibly diverse tool box for facilitating healing and inner growth. She has a strong intuitive sense of what might be needed at any given moment by an individual."

Katherine Hamilton....."Liza is passionate about this work and relates her own journey into it. She's been there too!"

Farah Fairclough....." I would definitely recommend this course. The negative messages i used to send to myself no longer have the power over me like before. No matter what you are looking for in your life this course is a unique way to find what it is that is preventing you from being truly happy. Liza is truly amazing at what she does. She has a true passion to help others and is such a gentle soul and in her presence you feel safe and cared for. I have learnt so much and will forever cherish this deep in my heart."

Barbara Friedli....."Liza is an amazing teacher. She has a lot of experience working in group settings and is wel able to adjust to the individual participants or new & unexpected group situations. She has a big repertoire of exercises at hand to work with. I really appreciated her sharing her own experiences and that she checked in with us during the week if she felt we needed support. I sure would recommend this course!."

Baljit Rana...."Liza is a great organizer. I love her soft voice and compassion she has for everyone."

Faces Reading Quiz

It is common knowledge that we communicate all the time non-verbally through our facial expressions, but did you know we also communicate through our facial features?

I hope you have fun with this quiz and discover some new things, but you may also surprise yourself as to how much you subconsciously already know! To be enjoyed with a coffee break.

1. The guy in your office with an extremely wide nose is more likely to:

a. poke his nose into everyone else's business all the time
b. have trouble projecting himself into the world and keep quiet a lot
c. need to stand his ground on work matters a lot
d. be easily approachable

c. they need to stand their ground a lot

Our nose relates to our identity and the solar plexus chakra. The shape of our nose says lots about how we project who we are into the world and how easily approachable we are.

Someone with a big long nose is going to need to know what is going on and will have no problem poking their nose into your business. They also find it easy to project their identity into the world and have high self-confidence. The bigger the nose the more the person is saying "Look at me!" Take Jamie Farr from Mash as a stereotypical example.

A person with a long nose with a soft rounded bulb on the end of it belongs to someone who we will experience as easily approachable. This is because the bulb acts like a bumper that we can gently bump up against and bounce off unhurt, as compared to a person with a sharp pointed nose who can feel really sharp to us as they can poke their nose into our business.

2. Your elderly spinster aunt who has always lacked inner direction in her life, and who always feels vulnerable, exposed and unprotected is most likely to have which shape eyebrows?

a. boomerang shape
b. bushy eyebrows
c. eyebrows that slope upwards
d. eyebrows with no hair on the outsides

d. eyebrows with no hair on the outsides 

Eyebrows show how we communicate; we often express a lot through moving our eyebrows. Also the more hair we have in our eyebrows shows the more life we have in us, the more we embrace life. This is why a person with no hair on the outsides of their eyebrows will likely feel exposed, vulnerable, and unprotected and will lack direction in life.

A person with a natural curve to their eyebrows shows flexibility in point of view and expression. A more exaggerated boomerang shape such as seen on Catherine Zeta Jones indicates qualities of independence, strong strength of will and someone who likes to get their own way and get ahead.

Eyebrows that are really thick and bushy show someone who can be irritable and aggressive in nature, more so if the hairs grow in all different directions!

Depending on which way your eyebrows slope also says much about a person. Eyebrows that slope upwards (like Boy George) shows the selfish and egotistical nature of someone who wants their own way, believes they are right and can be spiteful with it. Eyebrows that curve downwards show a shy person who lacks confidence and is fearful and probably struggles to get ahead in the world.

3. A great philosopher and thinker is more likely to have what kind of shaped face?

a. rounded with the widest part in the middle
b. long tall forehead
c. square chin and wide jaw
d. thin face with a pointed chin

b. long tall forehead

Our face can be divided into three distinct sections. The eyebrow level upwards shows the mental characteristics; eyes down to just below the nose the emotional characteristics; and under the nose to the chin relates to physical characteristics. Therefore our forehead shows our frame of mind. A person with a long tall forehead is going to have a very large mental capacity and tendency to spend a lot of their energy up in their head. The higher the forehead the greater the mental capacity therefore a high tall forehead indicates a strong mind. These are the great philosophers and thinkers of our world. An overly emotional person with a big heart is going to have a more rounded face shape with the widest band in the middle of their face - cheeks, eyes, and nose. The bigger hearted they are the bigger the size of their eyes is going to be. A practical down to earth person is going to have a more square shaped face with a very broad base. A square chin and wide jaw indicates their solid down to earth approach. They are often very practically minded and emotionally stable. They are great people to carry out the lofty ideas of the great thinkers.

4. If you want people to see your full potential and take seriously what you are saying, what is the optimum way to style your hair to support this?

a. bangs
b. colored red
c. crew cut
d. pulled off your face with no bangs

d. pulled off your face with no bangs

Linking on from question 3 the forehead shows what’s on our mind, our mental capacity so if we want what’s on our mind to be taken seriously then it’s not best to have it hidden behind bangs. With hair pulled off the forehead people can clearly see our full potential and it’s easier to express what’s on our mind and be taken seriously. If hair is held back too tightly however, it can convey harshness so this needs to be taken into consideration also. Whilst the short crisp crew cut does show clearly what’s on a persons mind it also indicates people who do not get involved with their emotional thought patterns at all which, unless you are a corporal in the army, this may not serve you very well!

Redheads are notorious for their firey nature, so choosing to color your hair red may indicate a desire to bring more fire into your life and you may find you are able to express your anger and frustrations more easily. It could indicate an unconscious desire to release suppressed emotions and fire up your life.

5. A friend of yours has large ears that are rounded at the top. Does this mean they will be which of the following?

a. open, flexible, emotionally understanding of others and a good listener
b. someone who will listen to you with their intellect
c. emotionally controlled and unexpressive and a bad listener
d. suppressed and held back

a. ears tell us how we listen.

People with large rounded ears tend to be good listeners, make good therapists and are flexible. The bigger the ear size the greater the listening skills. A person with small ears tends to be more emotionally controlled and reserved, and don’t tend to express themselves emotionally. They wouldn’t be the best person to receive emotional support from in a crisis.

Ears that are pointed at the top shows a person whose listening skills take them up into their intellect so they will tend to listen with their mind to your problems, rather like Dr Spock! Ears that are down and glued back indicate a person who still feels the need to have an ear to the ground listening for the next reprimand. This indicates a person who has been suppressed and held back since a young age you listen to me” being their norm.

6. You notice a young girl in the Dentist's waiting room has eyes that really slope downwards at the outside edges. What does this mean?

a. she had a lot of harsh criticism growing up
b. she has a history of having not been supported in childhood and life
c. she has a big heart and wears it on her sleeve
d. she is cautious and hesitant in order to keep her heart protected

b. she has a history of having not been supported in childhood and life

Eyes are said to be the gateway to the soul and like to the heart psychosomatically.

Eyes that slope downwards at the edges like a basset hound show a history of someone who feels they have no support in life, who are often supporting others and who have trouble caring about themselves first.  A person with eyes that slope upwards at the edges like a Doberman have experienced a lot of harsh criticism from adults around them as a child growing up, and indicates a history of being looked down upon a lot.

Those with a big heart and who wear it on their sleeve, and who can tend to take things to heart easily will be people with large protruding eyes. Big eyes mean a big heart. Those with small eyes that are deep set tend to be more cautious and hesitant about showing their heart to others and have a need to protect their hearts more.

7. You notice one of your teenage son's friends has an interesting shaped mouth; he has a big bottom lip. Does this mean he's more likely to?

a. suppress his feelings and be emotionally unavailable
b. be sensual and express himself freely
c. be very vocal and give you the lip
d. be introverted and lack confidence

c. be very vocal and give you the lip

The mouth relates to the sacral chakra and how we speak, express or suppress our thoughts, emotions and sexuality. The top lip and its fullness show the degree of sexuality and sensuality we have. The bottom lip shows our freedom of vocal expression. Those with a big bottom lip are likely to be very vocal and have no problems expressing themselves and will tend to give people lots of lip. People with thin lips often suppress their feelings, can be tight-lipped and lack emotional warmth. A person with a small mouth can be cautious and careful and will tend to be somewhat introverted and lack confidence.

8. You are busy landscaping in your new garden and you drop a heavy stone right on your left foot. It lands with all its force on your Big toe. From a psychosomatic point of view what do you think the significance of this is?

a. it's reflecting the difficulties you have been having communicating with a family member recently.
b. it's your body trying to get your attention and let you know you have been over doing things and need to take a rest
c. it's a sign you have gone into your intellect and are over thinking your landscape project instead of being more intuitive about it
d. it reflects how sore and hurt you are still feeling emotionally after the big row you had with your partner this morning

c. it’s a sign you have gone into your intellect and are over thinking your landscape project instead of being more intuitive about it.

Our toes reflect perceptions of our subconscious and unconscious minds, whilst the soles of the feet reflect how these thoughts and ideas are put into action to create individual reality. Toes as individual balancers, reach out, like antennae, to seek universal knowledge and explore life to the full. Each toe symbolizes a specific aspect of the mind.

The big toe is the ‘thinking toe’, and reflects our intellectual and intuitive thoughts. The second toe is the ‘feeling toe’, influencing feelings, emotions and our inter relationships. The third toe is the ‘doing toe’ and rebounds thoughts about our activity and achievements in the outer world. The fourth toe is the ‘communicating toe’ and is all about how we communicate in our relationships. The little toe is the ‘social toe’ and deals with the outside world and how safe and secure we feel in the world. A person who doesn’t feel very secure may have a turned in little toe for example.

9. What are the shoulders going to look like of a person who has taken on more responsibilities in life than they feel they can handle, and they now feel like they are carrying the weight of the world on their shoulders?

a. bowed, rounded
b. hunched forward
c. pulled back, retracted
d. uneven height, one shoulder is higher than the other

a. bowed, rounded

The shoulders are the carriers and expressers of our thoughts, feelings and our sense of responsibility. They show how we carry ourselves in the world and how we express or hold back our male/female energy through our arms. A person with bowed or rounded shoulders feels they have taken on more responsibility than they can handle. These shoulders can have a lot of tension across the top of the shoulders and base of the neck. They literally feel they are carrying the weight of the world on their shoulders. A person with shoulders hunched forward is doing so to try to protect the chest particularly the heart centre. This comes about from a chronic attitude of fear of being hurt due to past experiences. These people most probably tried reaching out for love at an early age without receiving the appropriate response and the hurt it caused has become frozen in this protective posture.

Someone with retracted or pulled back shoulders feels torn between hitting out and holding back. The muscles and tissue seem to be frozen saying ‘stop me from hitting out’ in an attempt to hold back expression of anger. This can cause a sense of confusion, frustration and helplessness. They feel they have been locked in a straight jacket.

An uneven height of shoulders indicates an uneven use of masculine and feminine energies. Masculine ‘doing’ energies are represented on the right side and feminine ‘receptive’ energies on the left. The shoulder pulled up is holding back the expression of that type of energy male or female. The shoulder that is unnaturally low shows energy that is low, drained or sluggish.

10. A lady you know experienced being attacked in the street and had their purse stolen last week. They are still feeling really vulnerable, defenseless, and their self-esteem and confidence has really taken a tumble too. What do you think is the most likely physical problem that may occur as a psychosomatic consequence of this trauma if it isn't released soon?

a. liver and gall bladder attacks
b. heart palpitations
c. lowered immunity and vitality
d. frequent urination and diminished bladder control

c. lowered immunity and vitality

This question is more difficult to answer because it is easy to see how a person could respond in a number of ways after a trauma such as this. As you read below you may get in touch with how you would respond differently had you experienced this happen to you. A number of different responses could also all take place simultaneously and create a number of physical symptoms as a result. However in the example I’ve given above the person is feeling vulnerable and defenseless which is the key component to why it would psychosomatically affect her immune system as explained below.

Our immune system represents our strength and vitality and is related to issues of vulnerability. After a trauma, such as the shock of an attack, we can be left feeling very vulnerable and defenseless and this can impact our self esteem. Trauma can also cause us to resist being open and vulnerable as a way to try and defend ourselves, but in truth the only real strength lies in embracing our vulnerability fully. A strong immune system indicates a healthy level of self esteem and enthusiasm for life. The immune system can respond to the threat of feeling defenseless by suppressing itself, causing lowered immunity and vitality.

Liver and gall bladder attacks relate more to suppressed anger, bitterness and resentment, envy, and hostility. Had the person’s response to the attack been one of anger and this wasn’t released it may well over time manifest psychosomatically as liver and gall bladder attacks.

It would be more likely for heart palpitations to manifest had the attack been by a loved one rather than a stranger. This is because the heart is all about unconditional love, deep feeling, affection, forgiveness, compassion and sensitivity for oneself, others and life. Issues arise in this area from fear of being hurt emotionally, feeling broke hearted or defeated, feeling unloved and unlovable, and putting up barriers in an attempt to protect oneself.

Kidneys relate to fear and the flow of life. They also deal with elimination and issues of how we filter out and let go of that which is unnecessary to us, both on physical and emotional levels. The kidneys are extremely sensitive to emotional stress, especially fear and anxiety. Take children bedwetting at night as a classic example of so often being fear related. Had the lady who’d been attacked been displaying extreme fear and anxiety that just wasn’t dissipating then this would more likely to manifest in frequent urination symptoms. 

Inca Sacred Ceremony

I trained as a Mesa Carrier in the Peruvian Inca Shamanic Tradition, as taught by Alberto Vilaldo and the Four Winds Society. One of the ceremonies I have been initiated into is that of the sacred Fire Ceremony - which I adore and have a deep affinity with.

Calling on the element of fire to assist in transformation has quick results and immediately allows us to step out of the ordinary and into the place of ceremony, magic, and the sacred. I love to share this ancient and powerful tool for transformation with other people by offering one on one private ceremonies as well as occasional full moon group fire ceremonies at my home.

Fire ceremonies are traditionally held on or around full moon and are used for purification, release, and the offering of prayers. As each person brings their offering privately to the fire, they also bring their prayers of honoring and a desire to come into right relationship with their world. As their prayers burn they bring the energy of their offering into their body to feed and cleanse them. If you would like to join me in calling on the element of fire to assist us in shifting, releasing, and renewing, contact me about when I'll next be conducting a traditional fire ceremony on the night of the full moon. All are very welcome to join us as we drum and rattle and call in the spirit of Fire to bless, cleanse and purify us and allow us to open to the place of the soul.

Private shamanic consultations are also available on request using shamanic journeying, fire ceremony, and despacho ceremony for release and manifestation of prayers. These are powerful ways to clear stuck energy, create manifestation of prayers for abundance, healing and to create more harmony in relationships. Contact me to arrange individual sessions and for information on pricing.

Celebrating Women

In celebration of Women and the power of women gathering together in old traditional ways...I'd like to invite you to join a free once monthly Women's Sharing Circle gathering here in my home on the first Tuesday of every month.

Maybe it's just me but sometimes I find myself longing for the old feeling as a kid growing up feeling really held and a part of my tribe, my family, my community....and maybe this longing goes even further back than that?

Back to the times when we lived a more tribal life.....where Women's Moon Lodges were commonplace....where families lived their whole lives together in community rarely being separated by physical geography. Times when we lived without this sense of isolation, where a difficulty in one's life was embraced by the whole tribe.....where we always felt held and not alone in the world.

So many people I see in my one on one consultation work firstly have to overcome so much imagined shame, embarrassment and feeling that there is something wrong with them, that they are imperfect or failing somehow to be struggling with whatever challenge life has thrown at them. I can SO identify with these feelings myself....having the same blocks to push past when I go to seek help for myself.

And I often wonder if women used to feel these ways in the old days.....or if it is a product of our modern world. Where advertising and super models shame us all too easily.

I've SO enjoyed sitting in circle with a wonderful group of women this fall and winter. As part of our Art of Transformation group gatherings we used the ancient native tradition of circle sharing technology....and it's been so wonderfully healing and transformative for us all.

And I realized its become such an integral important part of my life and as the course nears an end it has dawned on me that I'm not ready to be without the experience of women sharing together in my life.....so I've decided to put it out there to all the AMAZING women I know (you being one of them!) and see who would like to co-create a powerful group of Women supporting each other on our earth walks....wanna take a walk with me?

I have no idea where it will lead us to.......all I do know is it FEELS SO GOOD to be truly listened to, heard.....seen......and accepted without judgment for who I am.

This circle technology that's been passed down for centuries is very simple, yet profoundly healing and involves passing a talking stick around the circle with the one rule that whoever has the stick is the only one to speak. No-one else interrupts but listens with deep respect to the wisdom coming from our fellow sisters. And as we each sink into the gifts of truly listening.....from our hearts, without the need to judge or jump in or give opinions or fix.....that act of simply speaking from our hearts....and being listened to.....we sense how interconnected we truly are as women.

Women living our lives as best we can, meeting the challenges and initiations brought by the passage of time through the stages of sisterhood......the maiden, the mother, and the crone. 

This circle is for women of all ages.....all are welcome here. 

Do you hear the calling........?

It would be my deep honor to sit with you in circle...........

Creating Abundance Retreat

I'm so happy to be repeating my popular Creating Abundance Retreat again this May. 

Date: Saturday 31st May 2014
Time: 10am till around 4pm
Cost: $75.00 

If you’d like to find out how to manifest magically and effortlessly your hearts desire then this is the workshop for you! At this retreat you will:
• Uncover old limiting beliefs, and hidden unconscious patterns that have acted like silent saboteurs and blocked you creating what you truly want in life.
• Set yourself free from these old blocks and limitations that have been playing like a broken record all your life.
• Through guided meditation and self inquiry processes you will discover what is truly your hearts desire.
* Gain understanding of the universal principles that under pin all that we create and experience in life giving you the freedom to consciously create the life you want.
• Discover the secrets to creating abundance and living magically.
• Become the captain of your own ship, the master of your destiny and sow your own magical abundance seeds

You will learn about the laws of abundance and how they work according to Deepak Chopra and spend time rooting out old blocks, beliefs and limitations that have been holding us back from creating the life we desire until now.  

Workshop notes are included along with group follow up support and encouragement as you allow the new to integrate (in the form of group emails). There will be an optional evening gathering three weeks on to celebrate shifts and share abundance manifesting success experiences with each other.

Pre Registration required. Call 250 344 5206.

Loving the Inner Critic away

Sometimes those early childhood parental voices come crashing into my mind like stormy waves pounding the beach.....and like a little pebble or grain of sand I get ground down just a little bit more as I get tossed and turned by these powerful crashing waves (thoughts)....

I'm not good enough

I'm not worthy

I'm not loveable 

I have to be perfect

Yadda.....yadda......yadda!! Sound familiar? And on and on they go until I wish I could just SHUT THEM UP!!!!!!!....that voice in my head (my own!) that is. But there's no instant turn off button like there is on the radio or CD player. Bummer!

My inner critic (thanks Mum & Dad by the way....love you and all, but hey did you have to be so grumpy, miserable, and down on everything - stamper outers of my fragile self esteem? Okay rant over with!). It's been pretty relentless just lately and its been hard to quieten it down enough to even find a silent gap between the words to rest in.

That's when I get to work really hard at practicing what I preach (we teach best what we most need to learn after all!).........and its not as easy to walk the talk as to talk the talk, but I know there's an authenticity to what others have to share with us if we sense they've walked the path......plummeted the depths and crawled out of the pit of despair to join the world of the living....the thriving....the joyous again. So if I can't be bothered to do it for myself, then I owe it to those clients who put their faith and trust in me to walk my talk.......

So the walk begins.....  This is what I've been doing (or being!) to shift the blues.......

Bring in the observer.....the witness.......even if to begin with all I'm witnessing is more inner turmoil, frustration and beratings! Watching my thoughts on my daily walks helps me at least see just how caught up I've been in buying into my thoughts as real lately! I use the exercise of focusing on just breathing as I walk......or focusing on the trees, the sounds of the birds.....doesn't matter if at first all it does is make me even more aware of how relentless the mind chatter is.....the important thing is I am interrupting the mind chatter......lessening the focus on it. depersonalizing it a tad. 

But the linchpin is to find compassion and understanding and empathy for myself despite having this relentless harsh inner judge......to ask where it came from in the first place.......

Key is ALWAYS to love that old f*cker! YUP......works every time.......cos the truth is that inner critic no matter how 'right' it is, no matter how justified, how ugly, nasty, horrid, offensive, repulsive, abusive it is, the truth is, it needs our love more than anything. Underneath the ferocious certainty it is talking the truth is the DEEPER TRUTH that it is crying out for our love, it too needs to be loved?

I remember being in the bank line up one day and in comes a harassed Mom with her daughter about 6 years old I'd say, and cute as a button......what played out next could have come right from the pages of my childhood....and on the surface it all looked innocent enough......but what I saw was the actual creation in the moment of an inner critic for life! Mom in her frustration began nit picking this little girl and emptied all her own misery directly into this beautiful innocent child who went from curiously exploring her environment to being told off for everything she was doing......"come here, stand still, don't do that....I told you NOT to do that" with a few arm pulls throw in for good measure. It was as if even the little girls existence was annoying and wrong to her Mom that morning......

I watched her become more and more expressionless, her head bowing, her fingers going to her mouth and this glazed over look in her eyes as her joy left her as she stood obediently next to her grumpy Mom as good girls do and I wept inside.

I wanted to go over to the little girl and tell her never ever to let anyone tell you you are anything less than beautiful.....that you are so lovable......and don't go letting grumpy adults dump their crap onto you! 

And then it hit me........if I can defend this little girl's right to high self esteem and love and compassion why can't I defend this in me!? Surely its exactly the same going in internally within me when I start beating up on myself???

What that encounter did for me was show me how I do this very same thing to my own inner child.....I get so down on her....I beat her up so badly sometimes no wonder she doesn't trust me......no wonder she hides away in those dark corners avoiding more verbal beatings.

And the hardest part of that encounter was to find love and compassion in my heart for this little girls Mom......and in all honesty I had to search hard.... But what cracked it was to try and see the little girl in her because truth her unhappiness had to come from somewhere too......she most likely had her own internal parental voice coming down hard on her internally that day too. 

The cycle repeats.....until we are WILLING to stop it, to even just be willing to bring in some compassion for the unkindness we know we are metting out on ourselves.....sometimes this is enough to allow a crumbling into self compassion to take place.

Sometimes what cracks me into that place of self compassion is to read a story about an animal being rescued from abuse, to watch a movie like Dead Poets Society, or my new favourite The Intouchables....a story where love wins over adversity, where gentleness wins over harshness. Where non judgment bring healing. 

Or....you can blast this one out of the water with speed by doing an exercise that requires a bit of courage and stretching outside our comfort zones....but it works!

Next time you find yourself in that beat yourself up place take a risk and reach out to 20 people you know and ask them to list your 3 best qualities......

That'll do it!

I just did this exercise as part of Marie Forleo's Business School I just began this week and it was amazing....my inbox was flooded with emails with all these wonderful people listing my best qualities and with it I FELT THEIR LOVE and APPRECIATION for me. When you can't give it to yourself ask someone else to do it for you!!! They aren't attached to your story of unworthiness....they can see you with more objectivity than you can and they will reflect back to you the truth of who you REALLY ARE!!!!!

It's magic! And it feels risky....but heck, there's nothing to loose......except that inner critic for a while I guess ;) 

PS. what do my friends see as my top quality? Compassion!! The very thing I am good at giving out to others yet not so hot on giving to myself when I need it the most. Ironic eh? Now THAT was a good lesson to learn.....we give best what we most need to give to ourselves maybe? 

How I love this life of self discovery......new version of me everyday!